30.1.12

even cowgirls get the blues



I am grieving, and I don't want to talk about it. And it's very difficult for me to post about it, because it's private.

In less than a month, I have lost the two men, both in their eighties, that have meant so much to me - that I had, and will always have, so much love for. Especially in the eight years since my father died.

My friend, Major Bobby, died on Friday. Such an unlikely friendship, and yet, even tho he left a partner of several decades, in a way, we chose each other. I'm playing this lovely song now.





And yet, because I feel that the God of my Understanding has a good sense of irony,when I went to find Old Man on YouTube, inexplicably, this popped up:



(the irony being, my brother is the keyboard player).



All photos by me - or perhaps by my ex, David, I can't remember if I used a tripod, or asked him to shoot them - on his ranch in New Mexico. 50,000 acres of fields, streams, mountains, and lakes. A proper, working, cattle ranch. He is still a friend, and a friend of my husband's now, too, and I hope to return there someday: he's offered that my husband can fish with him there.

When I got the call that we were losing him - suddenly and unexpectedly, he had just come home from the hospital, I had just spoken to him, was just about to come visit, when he took a turn for the worse in the night - I called my mom, in Florida, to cry to her. Bless her cotton socks, her response was so English. Along the lines of, Jill, pull up your socks: when you get to my age you get... and she struggled to find the right word, and finally said, numb. (That's another song for another post). And I said but mom, he was my friend.

'What can I say, Jill,' she sighed. 'Maybe you need to get yourself some younger friends.'

There is so much I want to say about Major Bobby, my friend, but I can't. Not yet. Dear, daer Bobby: how I wish you were here.

16 comments:

Breast check said...

All photos are best. they are so natural. Love your post.

San said...

I'm so sorry for you Jill. I'm sending you a hug.

daisychain said...

I'm so sorry for your loss darling Jill x

O D Y S S E Y said...

losing someone dear is hard, regardless of age. somehow you managed to write a lovely post.
big hugs, jill. xoxo

Rosalind said...

Oh Jill, I'm so sorry to hear about Major Bobby - references to special occasions with him have punctuated your blog over time and the way you have mentioned him before made him appear like an extended member of your family. I wish I could offer consolation, yet know that I can't. Wishing you quiet time instead...

Looking Fab in your forties said...

Jill, so sorry that you are hurting from the loss of very special people in your life. Old people are wise and I can imagine that you get on with them because you yourself have a good soul. Sending big hugs, hopefully see you in a couple of weeks, if it doesn't snow of course, and then you can have a proper hug instead of the virtual one I have to send you today xxxx

LeahB said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Jill.

I know from reading your blog that you are a dear friend to people of all ages, which is a testament of what a kind and loving person you are.

Please hang in there.

The StyleScout LDN said...

Love the BayWatchXx see you all soon at LFW PS: Love the Look Robert Xx

Mat said...

sorry for you both of your loses jil

The Foolish Aesthete said...

I am really sorry to hear about your losses. Thinking of you and the families/friends they left behind. Thank you for sharing your beautiful images with us, which you managed to do even through a veil of tears. xxx

Soccer Mom Style said...

Jill, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. You are in my thoughts... I never know exactly what to say when something like this happens...
xx
Maya

Pearl Westwood said...

Oh Jilly I am so sorry to hear this, it is a beautiful tribute to your dear friend, much love xxx

Ana Leitora, Ana Reader, Ana Lecteur said...

Dear Jill, I'm sorry to hear this too, the only thing I can say is... Send you a virtual but truly BIG HUG to you, take care, kisses.

adrielleroyale said...

Jill, I am so sorry :( It is never easy to lose a friend, no matter how young or old they are, how expected or unexpected the death is...I pray you will find comfort and peace as you grieve through this time. And also that you would find joy in all the memories; I can only imagine that you brought many smiles to his heart in the time you knew him and how grateful he must have been to have you as a friend! ((((HUGS)))

Fashionistable said...

Firstly I am so sorry to hear about your friend here. I love the richness that friends of all ages bring to my life. It is always hard to loose them.
Secondly what an amazing way to meet properly at long last and very long over due. Looking forward to our friendship growing. Xxxx

Lawrence said...

Hey Jill,

I'm so sorry for your loss of your pal :( I'm sure he was very happy to have had you as great friend!

loz xxx