ask dot: mika's dilemna

I don't know if you remember a while back I started musing on the idea of doing a kind of 'Ask Ann Landers' column from time to time. Well within a matter of hours, a lovely lovely girl named Mika in Buenos Aires got in touch. We've been in touch since (writing each other long emails - there are a lot of parallels in our lives) and I'm finally ready to post her question.

But I'm not going to post my answer, just yet. I want to hear, first, what you have to say.


I know this is me in the post - shot last Sunday by Mr. D, in Primrose Hill, against what looks like a Banksy or a pretty darn good imitation - because I just didn't know how to illustrate her question. So here goes:

"I’m from Buenos Aires , Argentina , and I’m about to get married and move to California... I got to know David on MySpace three years ago, we met and we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together right away. He traveled here three times and I went there once. I’d have moved sooner but things got complicated; i.e. my mom got really sick and after a while, she passed away (this happened 2 years ago)... the thing is that my dad is sick, too, so it’s only my sister and I who take care of him. Simply put, he had a stroke 6 years ago in Japan , I brought him back to Argentina and he’s been here ever since...

Now, the dilemma is: I am 100% sure I want to marry David; I know that he’s my other half, we compliment each other, his family loves me and I love them. I usually adapt to whatever situation I have to adapt to: a new environment, a new job, new people … although I’m not a people person, I have the ability to deal with them and they usually find me amusing, I have no idea why. All the things I’ve just listed are not such a big deal, although, yes, I have to admit that I’m scared to see what I’m about to embrace; because let’s face it, I’ve only seen the nice part so far. I haven’t had the time to experience the ugly or the not-so-nice side of us together. I’m really looking forward to experiencing it all, but I can’t help feeling bad for leaving my dad and especially, leaving my sister alone to look after him..."

I asked Mika if she wanted me to change the names but in her case she felt it was okay. I know there are no easy answers, I just want to know what you think first.


(wearing: camel tee: American Apparel, jean shorts: H&M, riding boots: Blue Velvet, as before, grey cardigan: found on street - literally on street - outside Somerset House, LFW, Feb)




Choices.. decisions.. we make them all the time: what to wear. What to eat. Who to marry. Where to live. Some of the seemingly smallest decisions - whether to turn right or left at a corner - could change the outcome of our lives. Some of the most important decisions - if we find out we were wrong - can sometimes be altered. Sometimes we can turn around, go back. Change our mind.

Sometimes I can be paralysed with indecision about such simple little things. Other times..

I had to make Mika's choice, when my father had had cancer for several years already (he went on to live many more years - happy, joyous years, with countless visits and calls). I agonised over my decision, although my parents told me to go. (My mother had had to make the same choice when her own mother was ill, and her mother said 'your place is with your husband.')

In my case, I did marry my man and moved to his country. There are days I've felt I've made the wrong choice, but on days like like this, last Sunday, when we walked through Regent's Park after lunch in Primrose Hill.. imagine what I'd have missed if I hadn't taken that leap of faith.