altered egos

For a coon's age, I've been wanting to join in with the wonderful women who do the FBFF posts (that's Fashion Beauty Friend Friday, a generous creation by Katy Rose of Modly Chic): this is the week I'm ready to dive in.

The question is: who is the person we'd be if circumstances allowed? We're meant to create an outfit - a self style post - but it's dark and I only have the cat at the moment to shoot me, so I'm cheating and drawing from my pre-blog, pre-marriage, NY Sex and the City days (this was pre S&tC, too: I was kind of a cross between Carrie, I guess, and Charlotte. Okay, I admit it: sometimes I was Samantha).

I've been musing for days now, back then, what did I want to be, and how does it shape up with who I am today? I wanted to be an artist: I expected I'd be an artist. I also at that time was being mentored by probably one of the greatest living art collectors, and I kind of chickened out. Many careers seemed too scary: the art world seemed more for the Big Boys. But what I did do - and there was no outlet for it - was bring my dad's old Pentax, and a tripod - in this case, onto a roof - but anywhere. On trains, cars, planes.. I was doing self style, and calling it art.

So I guess part of me wanted to be a ballerina. I still have this vintage swimsuit somewhere - yes, it is a swimsuit, with a pleated skirt - and in those days, I wore bare legs with black boots and slouchy socks, even tho no one else was.



Fascinating post, btw, from blinking against the brightness, on the subject of self style bloggers, and the idea of fame and yes - appropriate for this post - ego. While a boyfriend at the time thought I was pretty weird for always taking photos of myself - for my art - I was mainly doing it because I knew what I wanted, I was my own best Muse, and I wouldn't inflict that on anyone else. Nor expect them to have the patience.

But I've been reflecting a lot lately on the idea of women - they're mostly women, altho there are a few blokes - round the world, patiently, regularly, taking photos of themselves and putting it on the internet. There's great book I read years ago, by Susan Sontag, called ON PHOTOGRAPHY, and she talked about the different ways that we use photography. How we can go on holiday and not really be present: we're just going for the photo album. In those days, people had photo albums. She dbecame, fittingly, Annie Leibowitz's partner, and she died, tragically too young, several years ago - but I wonder what she would have made of this phenomenon.



I don't know if I had a burning desire to wear the white dress and for some man to give me a big rock: I had my share of boyfriends, really cute ones, too. And I did, just when it seemed my mom was going to give up on me, become a wife. But I never did get round to being a Mom. And I don't know why. And I don't know, yet, if I regret it, but sometimes I think, that if we did have kids, my husband and I might have been pretty good parents. I guess we'll never know. But my friend Linda sent me this shot, from before we moved to London. I have no idea whose baby it is. I guess I was just trying it on for size, but I don't seem to be paying it very much attention. Perhaps it's better that we just have a cat: he practically takes care of himself.

Big thank you to LILI of RELATABLE STYLE for hosting the post this week. If it was your concept, thank you as well!