Even back in January or February, when I was swimming in a pool in Palm Beach County, Florida, someone, when he realised we lived in London, asked if I was going to the wedding. My automatic response, of course, was 'which wedding' (assuming he thought I was someone else and he was talking about, you know, a relative I was not related to).
Growing up on Long Island, I can't tell you how many times one of my friends would say about another, behind her back 'she's such a princess' (and, I have no idea how many times it was said about me).
In light of the fact that my American friends are all now asking me wedding questions (and none of my British friends are) - and I just realised, two of my friends - sisters - are actual, bona fide princesses, and are probably actually going to That wedding - I've decided to provide for you my own Polka Dot Guide to being the Perfect Princess. The reason being, my Australian friend, while drinking Long Island Iced Tea from bone china gold rimmed tea cups, swore blind that one of the waiters from that event was the same waiter who was 'giving me the eye' at the Juicy event. Comparing photos now, I'm pretty sure they're different.
Rule Number One:
Mind your manners. Not just superficial please and thank you: respect other people's time. Don't keep people waiting, and if, for example, your coach is stuck in traffic, have a footman deliver an apology note. Failing that, call, or at last resort, text.
Rule Number Two:
Send Thank You notes. If someone does you a kindness, return that kindness.
Three: Behave, at all times, with Dignity. At least, in public. And if you can't, for Goodness Sake, don't tweet pic or post the evidence on facebook. Remember: discetion is a Potential Princesses Best Friend.
Four: CHOOSE YOUR PRINCE WISELY. It's all well and good, those stories about kissing frogs, but let's face it: they're not called Fairy Tales for nothing. Once a toad, always a toad, as mother would say. Not to mention, toads are.. slimey.
Five: Once you've set your sights on your Prince, you've got to catch - and keep - his attention. A see thru dress is a nice modern day equivalent of a glass slipper, but either way, make sure you're toned, and/or have had a pedicure on the day.
Six: Princesses can not afford a bad hair day: invest in some good shampoo. And remember the three rules: condition, condition, condition.
Seven: Just be forewarned: there are bound to be bumps in the road on the way to the altar. When he needs his space, do your own thing. Preferably with a cute young man.
Rule Number Eight: Provided you have done all the above successfully, and have snagged your prince, you're bound to have also attracted a few metaphorical Ugly Stepsisters along the way. It's gonna hurt, but try to take their envy as a compliment, and rise above it. Remember: living well is the best revenge.
Photos by me, from the Juicy Couture Press Day (see 'Juicy Couturier' for the story - it's Sir Norman Hartnell's original suite) and also at - conversely - the recent Converse Press Day, apart from the shots OF me, which were taken at our friends' wedding, years ago, Somewhere in Connecticut.