the blues

I've got to be honest with you: I am homesick.

I mean: I'm home - we're home - my Man, Cat, Self. In London. But in my heart, in my head, I'm still on the beach below my parents' summer home. We'd have finished dinner on the deck - something I made - Mother, Man, Self. And I'd have gone down with him after dinner, while my Mom stayed up on the deck, and I'd ask her after: Did you see that sunset? Wasn't it amazing? (Because, of course, she'd see the same sun set from the deck).

We'd walk past the other condo units, on the bluffs overlooking the Sound, and each night, the same various couples would call out: 'Catch any fish yet?' and we'd say 'Not yet!'. We'd pass the same couple having dinner on their deck, candles, wine, and ask what they were eating tonight (lobster, usually, or some other sea food, and then they'd ask: 'Did you catch any fish yet?') and then we'd walk down the 106 steps to the beach that was all our own, apart from the same faces we'd see from time to time, the couple who I posted about last year, say, or the teenagers, or a few guys fishing. Or the group that would come in by boat. But most of the time, it was just us, alone with the sea and the setting sun.

We went earlier, this summer, than past summers, and in many ways, it was more perfect than any visit to the North Fork since my father died. All our family were together: my sister and family, my brother and my niece, all together for my mom's birthday. My husband didn't catch any fish this year, because it was too early for the Blues to come in (or, perhaps, because this was such a warm summer). But he still fished, every night, and I joined him, sometimes swimming in the Sound. Sometimes sitting on the sand, crossed legged, watching the sun go down.

I'm not interested in fashion tonight. I'd happily trade my Burberry Shearling Aviator jacket (if I had one) for another week of those nights. The Blues, I am sure, are at our beach by now, we're just not there to see them.

There will probably be less people coming to my blog, if they're expecting street style. That's okay: there are lots of other blogs to visit. Besides, I'm not going to stop it forever. But just tonight... I want it to be summer, still. It's too cold here. We're hoping to go camping in St. Ives, in Cornwall, but it will only be a night or two at most. I don't want to sound like a petulant teenager, but that's how I feel. I want to go home. I feel so close to that childhood feeling, when it stays light late, past your bedtime, and Mommy and Daddy know everything there is to know, and summer seems like it will last forever, and all is safe with the world.

Earlier today, I said I was feeling blue, so he took me to see the French rom com 'Heartbreaker' again, altho we just saw it two days ago. We both agreed: it's even better the second time around. If you haven't seen it yet: go. Now. Even if for the moment, your heart is broken, go anyway: you will laugh and you will cry, but you'll feel full of hope and glad to be alive. I promise.

(I am wearing, incidentally, a men's thermal tee by Hanes, from K Mart. He's is wearing linen drawstring trousers from Barney's, I think, many years ago, and a white tee from the Gap. And my mom's old blue 'fanny pack' from aerobics class, to hold his lures.)


jazmine rocks @ jazzabelle's diary said...

what a beautiful post, jill. i'm just sorry to hear you are feeling home sick.

all of these pictures are stunning; you look so beautiful in the the first shot (you have amazing legs!) plus i am really drawn to the third and fourth pictures. i think because of the muted colours and textures. and is it just me or does the sea look a tad like an optical illusion in the second to last picture?

i saw the advert for 'heartbreaker' a couple of weeks ago, it looks like a great film. i haven't been to the cinema in AGES, probably over a year ago, i really ought to go.

hopefully i'll be seeing you soon!
love, jazmine. xxx

p.s. the lovely vic also illustrated me (picture on my latest post), isn't she so talented? the one of you is great!

the style crusader said...

jill, seriously beautiful post. so sorry to hear you're feeling homesick. i always feel exactly this same way after i come home from visiting family - you've summed up the feeling here so well. i always think though - at least i have such a great place that i can miss. some people don't even have that. sending lots of love and warm thoughts your way. p.s. you look so happy in these photos. i love them. xx

Anonymous said...

Wonderful pictures! I loved this post. Sometimes you really do feel ill with longing for a place. There is a sort of sweetness to that too, though, I think. Lucy

Style Odyssey said...

musings about your beach pics: these softened colors are becoming your trademark. even your DR pics, because of the weather, contained muted hues mixed with pops of caribbean blues. i love that. just wanted you to know. in the bvi, i enjoyed grey weather because it was so uncommon (not to mention cooler) and ethereal.

i still have not ventured down to the beach here, can you believe that? it was rainy all last weekend when my friends were visiting. late yesterday, i headed towards the coast (looking for walmart- i know, yuck- but hoping to get a glimpse of the beach after shopping) however, i got lost and gave up, it was getting dark and i needed to find a store. sorry i've digressed again!

anyhow, i am sorry you're homesick, and that the london weather isn't warm right now. it must've been a rude awakening to return from holiday and find it a bit chilly after your days under the warm sun playing in the sea.

don't be concerned about not always posting on the subject of style- your blog is also a cohesive journal at times, mixed with street style, and THAT is refreshing; it makes your blog unique. and you've said several times that your own wardrobe choices are influenced by such colors as here. my point is, it all relates beautifully. :)


Love Food said...

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling so homesick.
Beautiful pictures, they look so tranquil.

Lydia xxx

adrielleroyale said...

Oh, I so understand that homesick feeling - Even if I'm not homesick for my home, I get homesick for that favorite spot, that place of total relaxation and no worries. For you it's the beach at your parents' home, and for me, it's Mexico on the Riviera Maya. I've only been there twice and yet, I miss it like I miss hugging my grandma. It'll get better and I won't hold it against you if you want to dwell on the beach in your mind for a while longer. ;-) Feel better :)

jill said...

Oh thank you all you sweet kind women!!! Do you know what: just doing the post, getting this feedback.. either I'm insane, or it's worked. I feel better. Actually, the truth is: I feel like I'm THERE.

Wouldn't it be wild if I woke up tomorrow and was actually back at the beach house. That Inception film has really got under my skin.

THANK YOU. night night. xox

Sara said...

This made me weep. And made me homesick in a number of ways. Homesick for my parents who have been dead for some years. Homesick for my small town childhood and my brothers and sisters when we were all together at home. And homesick for the West Indies. We just spent a couple of weeks visiting an island we love and people we love. And now I miss those daily rituals of a drink at sunset. A swim late at night. The sounds and smells of the West Indies. I'm homesick too. But in a good way. Glad that I had loving parents and people who loved the little girl me and glad to have discovered that beautiful place that fits me so well. Homesickness is both sadness and happiness for me. Feel better soon.

Unknown said...

I know what you mean. This July we (my husband, son and I) visited my childhood home in England for my sister's wedding, we live in Australia. We had such an amazing time and I did so many things that I used to do as a child. It was so hard to leave and when I came back to Australia (although I love it here too) I kept thinking of my parents house, spending time with my family, talking all night with my sister. And I realise how much I miss the English summer. I wouldn't change these feelings for anything, I'm glad I have these memories to make me feel homesick and I know I'll be back soon.

jill said...

Oh, these comments are so beautiful! (Pret: that is high praise indeed: I admired Jackie in every way. She was more than a style icon to me: she was a role model as a human being. Her dignity, her need for privacy in a public life.. she was an incredible lady).

Karen, Sara, everyone who's written so far, these are such beautiful posts on their own. And I agree: this is a sweet sadness. Actually, I'm going to add this to the post. Thank you.

Vicki said...

HI Jill thank you for stopping by my blog again!! of course i remember you! how could i forget! you were so nice to me when i first started my blog! Im sorry you are homesick! that must be awful! i hope you can go back and visit the beach and fish again soon! Hope you are well too :) so good to hear from you :) vicki xo

The Photodiarist said...

I am headed to Easthampton this weekend. I will think of you! I don't blame you for missing home. It is a fantastic place indeed.

SabinePsynopsis said...

Oh, this looks and sounds so wonderful - no wonder you are homesick. I guess home is where the heart is, and it's easy to leave your heart in a beautiful place like this. (I feel homesick for Italy, too.)
Funny, I spent my summer in an old white t-shirt from GAP, too. It's full of holes and I LOVE it.

Sibila Losada said...

those pics are really beautiful. Loved your Gap tee, i have a crush on it. And ur painted nails are sooo freaking cooooool <3


Hedvig said...

I agree with everyone above, this was a beautiful described "feeling blue day", you got me homesick as well by this post Jill.
Too bad we didn't manage to catch up today, I'll let you know if I have time tomorrow, seems like we are heading for your recommendation in Barcelona on Sat. Thanks a lot! xx

Anonymous said...

That settles it, Jill, you have to write a book. It will be no contest for Eat Pray Love. Such great writing and observation. Can't wait to see Heartbreaker, it opens here in the States on Sept. 10. - Lisa

PinkBow said...

stunning photographs - you look so free, stay happy :-)

Style Souk said...

I recognise these sentiments very well.

A subtle feeling of not belonging will oftentimes settle over me - like faintly sketched grey clouds - and I will pine for home.

But it can be so much more. I even feel homesick for those things - the contented, quiet life of my dreams - that have not yet come into being.

Thank you for such an extraordinarily beautiful post.

Sarah x

P.S: I think it more than fitting that - in these pictures, at home - you seem carefree and light as air.


Miki said...

Oh, I feel a little homesick too today. It always happens when I get sick (I've caught a bad cold, again). The funny is thing is that I AM in my home, the one I've been living in for over 25 years. Still, I'm homesick. Ever since my mom passed away, this hasn't been my home anymore, just a house where I'm dwelling. Too bad I can't enjoy what's left of it.