the chase

Sunday, late morning. We're lounging around in bed: cat, husband (the artist formerly known as Mr. Dot), self, Times.

As I go thru holiday snaps, I'm thinking about love, and romance, and romantic comedies, and I'm thinking, it's all about the chase. There's the chase in the early days, of course, and the hide and seek as a couple (same sex, opposite sex, whatever) do that dance around each other, until that moment when both sides admit, they're smitten.

And then it doesn't end there.

I love a line I read in a book by Zoe Heller, Notes on a Scandal. The character said (and I paraphrase) 'In every good marriage, I think you kind of take turns being more into the other one.' I feel that's true. You take turns chasing each other. The worse kind of marriages, or relationships, are where two people are stuck together - for the kids, for financial reasons, whatever - and one person is clearly being 'careful' because they're afraid to set the other person off. And no one's chasing anyone, but rather, one is looking for escape. There is nothing more lonely, I believe, than being with the wrong person.

The best type of love, I feel, is the kind where you're attracted to their mind, where he/she makes you laugh, where the other person challenges you, makes you a better person. Where, at core, despite your differences, you're friends.

I mean, please don't get me wrong: we have had the most hilarious journey so far, and I hope it hasn't ended here: two people with a cat reading the sunday papers on an overcast cold summer's day. We are certainly no walking billboard for a perfect marriage. We have, at times, made Brad and Angelina look... stable. (We tell people we're staying together for the sake of the cat). But I was thinking about how friends over the years have asked my advice in love, and I'm thinking about something that the big D said on vacation, that I should add some agony Aunt, Ann Landers type stuff to this blog.

And it got me thinking: why not? I mean, not all the time. I'll still shoot street style, of course: I simply can't stop myself. But also, hey, if anyone wants to ask my advice, send me an email: jill@haybooks.com. We'll give you a fake name and no link to your blog or anything (unless of course you want the publicity). I bet no one does, but you never know. Anything is possible, in this crazy world.

No fashion this post, sorry girls (& boys). Lots more style shots coming up, promise. Hope wherever you are this Sunday, whether you are alone, with your love, or with family and friends, or simply with a pet, you are not lonely, and you are feeling at one with the world, and in love with someone. At the very least, hope it's yourself. Cause that's where it starts.

Shown here: Nina the kitten and Lola the dog, shot in the lovely house above the sea, Cabrera, Dominican Republic, July 2010.


Pearl Westwood said...

Love the action shots!!! An agony aunt, yep you would be very good at that x

JessMidge said...

these animals are adorable!!

styleeast said...

What a brilliant post! And the photos are hilarious, telling a story all of their own.

S said...

Oh this is such a lovely post. "..and the hide and seek as a couple (same sex, opposite sex, whatever) do that dance around each other, until that moment when both sides admit, they're smitten." - that's so true.

I think you would be fab as an agony aunt, and looking forward to some lovelorn advice! You could even set up a formspring account so people can send their problems in!


Matthew Spade said...

what a cute little dude!

Miki said...

Oh, I love this post so much! I'm one of the many people who check your blog on a dialy basis; or well, whenever the dashboard says that you've posted something new. I enjoy going through the pics you take and all that, but for some reason, I found this post particularly interesting.

I'm going to start writing an e-mail to you right now, since I'd love to share my story with you yes, some advice would be more than welcome!

So, ok, you'll hear from me again in a few minutes!

Thanks for this! Cheers!


Miki said...

Oh, I sent an e-mail to you, but I've just got a failure notice reply =(. Should I copy it and paste it here?

Clazzerati said...

Jill, i think this is a great idea. I love reading your posts and always feel that you have such an insightful and inspiring way of looking at things.

Your warm personality always shines through your posts - good luck! xx

jill said...

Thank you each for your lovely comments and support! Miki, maybe try again? This way it can be private. Did you try:


or jill.adams.uk@googlemail.com?

Really appreciate these comments, esp. on such a grey cold day. x

Miki said...

Hi, Jill! I'd tried the first one. I've tried again and apprently it did go through. I'll try the other address if I get my message back.

Thanks! Hope you're having a nice day!


Anonymous said...

Ahhh, she's back! It's good to be in the comfort of a home that you love after a wonderful vacation, and all that time in the sun and ocean, and sleeping by the sea, and surrounded by a different set of people can give a new eye on things, and thoughtful perspective. I LOVE this post. Your words ring wise and true. Welcome back. - Lisa Dot (US)