ladies who lunch: are you a go back girl?

It was Jennifer, The Style Crusader's birthday a few weeks ago, and seemed only fitting that, since she's been the driving force behind the Covent Garden Cupcake Convention blogger meet ups, that we'd go to a place more posh for this special occasion. After all, this was a major milestone birthday: 25.

Hedvig (above) had been telling us about her favourite place, Yauachta, in Soho. And it was every bit as wonderful as she described, even more so. I have a lot of time for Hedvig: she's smart, she's beautiful, she's kind, and she's the most generous spirit. When we meet up, we can talk for hours. She's a girl's girl.

I'd highly recommend Yauachta, especially for a special occasion, which this definitely was.

We were a little worried tho, beforehand, about the price. It's not cheap, but it's not insane, either, and it's so worth it. But still, when you get a large group of females for lunch.. you know that whole cliche about 'Who got the lobster? or 'Who ordered the extra drink?' when the bill comes in. What we should have said up front is 'we're not dividing it equally, just pay for what you order' - which is how we did it - but instead, there was a kind of cloud of fear hanging over this perfect event. We could see that some were hesitating to order the £9 drinks, and there was some confusion about how much to order (I just got three scallops, but they were DIVINE. And I lucked out: everyone was offering to taste each others' food - I kept offering my other scallops - and somehow, I was well fed).

Food for thought: I've been meeting more and more amazing bloggers - mostly women - and while I've already got an incredible circle of 'real' friends, still, the women I've been meeting are just nourishing my life in ways I hadn't expected when I started this blog. And that goes beyond the ones I've met so far: some friendships with other bloggers in other countries are so real, I know when we meet we'll be great friends.

And it started me thinking about what it means to be a friend, a 'girl's girl'. The qualities I want in a friend, and the standards I expect for myself. A generous spirit? Definitely. But also, a sense of loyalty. And a spirit of adventure. (BTW: this is Jackie, the Platform Princess: case in point, within minutes of meeting her, I got her to jump up and down for my photos, IN HEELS, even tho she claimed she 'couldn't jump.' See for yourself, in Jumpin' Jackie Flash.)

But there is also loyalty. And kindness.

In college, I switched my room from a suite of what I'm realising in hindsight were, altho dull and not very stylish, a very loyal and KIND group of girls, for a roomate who looked like a Swedish model, had incredible taste (she had done her dorm room up to rival anything in Architectural Digest) - we'd even chosen the same sheets, I figured that bonded us - and she was a talented artist.

What I didn't realise was she wasn't remotely a girl's girl: in the six months we lived together I don't think we had one giggly girl talk, and besides, her (very nice) boyfriend slept in our room every night. We never spoke: when I finally moved out,, I doubt she noticed I'd gone.

Years later, I went on a date with a man who turned out to be her ex-husband, and it turns out she wasn't a guy's girl, either.

This is Kaz, of Style My Wardrobe. And while I didn't get to shoot the delightful Adorn Girl indoors, you'll see her shots in another post. This is her lovely bag.

And this is another favourite blogger, and, I like to think, new friend: Carrie, of wishwishwish. Another girl's girl who is warm, fun, stylish, and also clever. Cleverness counts for me, too.

But ultimately, it's also about trust. Are you someone your friend could leave in a room with their husband or boyfriend?

I read somewhere about George Clooney, someone had worked with him on a film and said he's a 'go back guy'. That is, when the guys are on horseback and someone gets shot by Indians, he's the one who goes back to get his buddy.

That's what I want to be: a Go Back girl. Lucy, of Snippets of Shiny Thoughts, definitely strikes me as one.

You might note that I didn't include one shot of the Birthday Girl, my newish but much cherished friend and definitely Go Back Girl, Jen. She's featured enough on my blog, and will again in the near future, so she's getting the day off. Besides, Jen, if you're reading this, YOU'RE NOT WRITING YOUR ESSAY!!

What are your requirements in a friend? Are you a Go Back Girl?


Alma said...

Like you, I belive in internet friendships between the girls mostly when we are sharing the same passion! I have only 3 best friends as girls and we are friends for more than 8 years, which is a lot for our times and age.But as you said, we are loyal to eachother, we are honest and what's most important we care about the other's feelings!

I'm glad that you had a great time in there, it shows... And your blog is wonderful!

jill said...

Thank you, Alma.

You reminded me something I forgot to write about: the value of OLD friends. My closest friends to this day pre-date college: some go back as early as 3 or 4 years old. It's definitely quality for me, not quantity. You're so lucky to have these friends from childhood, and it sounds like you know it, too. Thanks for your lovely comment!

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Sarah said...

This post is so lovely! Its so wonderful that you've made so many friends through your blogging!
I'd like to think i was a go back girl- i guess you'd have to ask my friends.
The best thing with old friends, is that even with long priods apart- you an still meet up and its like no ime has passed at all. I'm meeting some of my old uni friends ad roomies this week who i haven't seen for over a year- but i know it'll be just like old times xxx

jazmine rocks @ jazzabelle's diary said...

Your blog never fails to interest me. You seem to have such a wonderful life and you're always enjoying yourself. It's lovely to see, and read :)

I've only had my blog around two months, but I hope over time I will be able to form great frendships with some lovely bloggers, seeing as we are all rather similar, but also so different.

I only really have one person I would could a friend. Okay, so I talk to people at college and such, but I think before over the years I have had some horrible friendships so I find very difficult to actually make new friends as I am scared they will just stop talking to me or not like me. It also doesn't help that I am extremely shy and lack confidence, which therefore means I don't have much of a social life. I hope soon I can overcome this and meet new people, though :)

All I ask for in a friend is that they are loyal, funny and can accept me for who I am and the problems that I have. It's not too much to ask for, is it?

God, the pictures of all of that yummy food is making me hungry, let's see if there is any food in the fridge, which I highly doubt. Haha.

Love, Jazzabelle. xxx

Anonymous said...

that looked like a great and so much fun get together, would have loved to have joined you girls! ..talking about girls friendships..have just one really "old" one that goes back from grade-school, unfortunately she lives, guess what in good old London Town, hehe, for real! but hardly am able to visit, but she comes often here, cause her parents and sister still live here! so..but it's really hard these days to make new girlfriends who you can trust, who are loyal and understanding and accept you for who you are..and not for them wanting you to be something to please their needs! just recently had some bad example encounters..well, sorry..could go on and on about that interesting topic, hehe!

so...have fun with the girls and enjoy your time and be good to each other, hehe! ;)

EML said...

I totally agree with all of your points.
I think being honest is very important. and so is exepting someone else's opinion. and I like my friends to be open minded.

what I think is an issue in my age group (I'm 17) are the boys. Some girls seem only interested in guys they know someone else likes. and some just don't care whether that guy has a girlfriend or not.
I don't really get...
Most of my friends are more comfortable to meet a group of boys they don't know than to meet some new girl. because the girls might be mean and bitchy and blah.
I don't get that either.
But what I don't get at all is the desperate attention seeking I see among some of my friends. As soon as a guy is in sight they change completely. They seem like a different person. A person I can not really relate to.
I think being yourself and staying true to yourself is so important. Seeing someone switch from persona 1 to persona 2 and back again just makes you ask how much else that person is only pretending to be.
I guess I'm a bit focused on that area but that's just because I see so many people putting on shows just to get someone's attention. And that's why most of my friendships are rather superficial. I don't trust people too easily. I don't like to trust people. I just don't feel good when someone knows too much about me.

So, I hope that makes sense. Sort of. Teenager problems. Whatever.
Have a nice sunday!

Platform P said...

Yet again, I manage to look akward, hahaha! I've met so many great people through blogging. It's all a bit taboo to call people you've met through the blogesphere your friends, but actually I would say I'd made a couple of really good friendships. I think grounded people attract me most, but also people that are loyal... I've had a few frenemies in my day!

Great post Jill.


Ellie said...

I have 3 girl friends who I am soul mates with. We can go without seeing each other for months and yet, when we finally meet up, it feels like we have never been apart. We pick up right where we left off and it is always glorious.

I would go back for them everytime. Brilliant post. x

Sarah xo said...

What a lovely post (again!). That 'go back' theory's a good 'un. I'd like to think I am like that. I have a couple of really close friends who I care about a huge deal. I would do pretty much anything for them, and I'd like to think they'd do the same for me.

For me, friendship has always been simple. Regardless of what they do, look like or believe in, if they're genuine, sweet and good natured, I'll love the hell out of them! xo

Tobi said...

Such a touching post Jill ! The more I blog the more I am discovering that other bloggers like me are very normal, few are narcissistic and many lead average lives. Yet connections can form instantaneously.

I love the sincerity of this post, it reflects on your personality.

I have friends all the way back from the age of 4 and we're still as close today! I have met many people along the way and it has taught me so much about the people I can call friends. For me its how you love one another..... and how well you can recover from bad patches. Its important to appreciate that your friends will piss you off and will let you down from time to time but its about having the grace to allow them to make mistakes as long as they don't steal from you or murder anyone.

I am a new member to the blogging family and so far I have no complaints. I cant wait to come along to a Covent Garden Cupcake Convention!

Happy Sunday :)


the Citizen Rosebud said...

Looks like a lively dinner, and like a wonderful time. Great blog post. You know this bloggy thing has been awesome. A common interest and a platform to share it, and be shared with. Yep. I feel I've been privileged by friendships from all over. What a bonus. And I just wanted to write, lol.


Gorgeous Clara said...

loooove the post

I´ve also been meeting a few bloggers lately and I think I´m actually making a group of great friends...I never thought it would be like that when I started my blog...but it´s great...

cool pics...

Leah said...

This is fabulous... I love meeting your new friends... they are indeed so gorgeous.

I am a go back girl for sure... and I am a real and loyal friend.

Have a great day Jill! xoxo

daniela kate morosini said...

how lovely and though provoking! i think programmes like sex and the city wildly distort female friendships - going to an all girls school, i rarely see anything of sisterhood and girls don't think twice about dating other people's ex boyfriends and there's a lot of bitching. when no one shows sisterhood to you, it's hard to show it to others, but i guess i've been lucky in that for every nasty girl i've met, i've met some lovely ones too! also i had the pleasure of meeting lucy and carrie, and they are truly wonderful, as are you!

Rebecca said...

I think intelligence counts for so much. And I don't mean ones that are reflected in grades, but wit and vivacity. I'm friends with people who I can talk to about anything and everything - art, politics, chanel!
And of course trust is a major issue, I have real problems with letting people know anything about my emotions, so that particularly is an important part of my relationship with my friends.
Thanks for this post :)


Shini said...

Let me just say first, I absolutely adore the photos, especially the one with Hedvig, you really caught her natural beauty there.

About being a girl's girl, I think it really depends on who that other girl is! I can be stiff as a rock with one but jump around with another despite meeting for the first time... I think the fact that you're meeting under the banner of fashion-lover (and blogger/ranter of course) already bonds you halfway since you have so much to share and talk about ;)

Cupcake meet soon hopefullyyy? Must bug Jen so she finishes her essay today and also has time to plan a meet for us hehe

Style Slicker said...

Goodness Jill, you've captured Hedvig's natural elegance....beautiful!
I've never tried posh dim sum before I'd love to try one day just for the taste.

I totally agree with Shini and it's also about the girl's personality also - good bond, ok bond or bad bond, James Bond whatever bond. I can be quiet, nervous, shy and not as open when meeting with new people (bloggers etc) which can do daunting at first. Hey I'm still shy :S

Peace and Love xxx

The Photodiarist said...

Great photos. They speak of a wonderful time and the development of wonderful friendships. As for the question . . . I am definitely a girls' girl and most assuredly a guys' girl. I think that you can be both. I am a go-back girl for the people I value, whether guy or girl. I can tell you are a total go-back girl! And a generous spirit.

Adorngirl said...

Jil you definitely captured the spirit of the day. I can honestly say I have three best friends. My long term friend from school, she is the godmother to my children, and she has always been there for me, and I cherise her.

My mother who has been the most hard working person I have ever met, I wouldn't be who I am without her

My husband. I call him 'twin' because i truly believe he is other half of me, and he's so encouraging, and makes me laugh all the time.

I have had other friends, but you grow up, and apart, and it takes a lot to truly call someone a true friend. x

Natalie Hughes said...

Jen looks BEAUTIFUL in that picture. I reeeally want to meet up with you guys! x

Anonymous said...

First off, I simply love your fabulous photos, candid shots were so amazing!

I'm a new follower, looking forward to see more!

As for girlfriends, I've lived in 3 countries all my life and I managed to keep in touch (still) with my girlfriends, funny how they drop emails asking for advises from make up to relationships! I just want to assure them I'm still here near or far from them :)

jill said...

Oh, my, this is amazing!! Please don't stop. This is fascinating. I can't address each of you right now but thank you.

It's funny... over the years I've probably had all of your experiences with female friends. The bitches, the competitive ones.. like the Photodiarist, I've found that friendships with men have tended to be easier, and I like to think I'm a guy's girl, too: as Adorngirl said, the core of my relationship with my husband is a friendship where we can challenge each other honestly.

I've had my share of competitive relationships with women, (with them - to my surprise - doing the competing, when that's not at all what I'd signed up for in the friendship) - and it often felt like a betrayal to realise that the 'friend' didn't have the same agenda that I did.

I can think of at least one case where the 'friend' would completely change soon as eligible guys came into the frame - practically shoving me out of the way, or belittling me, to 'win' the cute guy. In fact, today I'm now long terms friends with one woman - you know who I'm talking about! - who is actually a sister of someone who did that. And she doesn't.

Which is all the more reason that I cherish the friendships I have now, whether long term, lifelong friends, or more recent. My mantra these days is 'I've got enough friends' which means I don't need anyone like that in my life. And as a result: new ones keep crossing my path.

People like '-h' of Pret a Porter P, who have discovered that their easiest friendships are with women of a much different age: I've realised that when I widened my idea of what a 'friend' is - that it doesn't have to be a peer - I started becoming friends with women in their 70s, 80s, even 90s.. and college age.

Whew. Better get posting! Thank you all. Please keep going, this really is so interesting. xo

Style Odyssey said...

I don't know if I'm a girl's girl or not. I'm equally comfortable with my male and female friends. It's probably because I grew up with two brothers, no sisters. But I've always found it easy to make friends. As I've grown older, I've subconsciously become more discerning in my tastes of friends, and definitely more diverse.

There's much to enjoy in this post. And the lighting is fittingly intimate for a post about friendship and meet-ups and fine dining.

Matthew Spade said...

a lot of my friends are friends i met through friends, the original friends aren't as close anymore.

wishwishwish is super pretty

Anonymous said...

yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

Totally a go back girl. Dot, I'm guessing you are too. It's just a feeling...

I grew up in a mountain climbing family. No one, No One, gets left back on the mountain.

StyleSpy said...

Yes, I am. And I won't lie to you -- it has cost me not a little over the years. But I don't know how to be any other way.

Martine : D said...

love this post. I really envy your group of friends. I only have how call them- not related between each other friends- we're not a group of friends but I have a friend here a friend there.. but one of the biggest wishes I have is having a group of best girlfriends. But I'm actually bad at making new friends. And I'm a girl's girl. Probably because I have three sisters and no brothers.

Anonymous said...

all your friends are so stylish!
the food there looks exquisite! love oriental food <3

Shopgirl said...

Just found your blog - it's lovely. Beautiful photos.

I think I am definitely a girl's girl but I find that often there are friends who pass through my life whilst there are others who will always be in my life and they are the special and rare ones. I have also - in recent years - discovered the amazing friendship of a sister.

Lucy said...

Jill this is beautiful and very philisophical - i love how your posts get people thinking and dreaming!
I love how youve called me a go-back-girl - im proud! and for once i love my photo! hehe, thanks so much, i've posted about your beautiful birthday gift you made me too!

Nicole Trundle said...

Aww Lucy and Carrie at a cup cake birthday bash, how lovely, they are such brilliant girls, soon be leaving them when I leave uni, sad times, but Thank god for blogging sesh's I shall be kept up dated in all going ons xx